The Best Year Of My Life

A year doesn't seem like a long time, especially on nights like this. Everyone will tell you about how fast the year went. Yet, things in January seem far away in retrospect. So many events had taken place in your life since then, it's hard to believe them when they say how fast time "flew." Then again, it's already New Years Eve right now!

It's hard to grasp a year's time into a thought. Google did a really good job with this video here. But, think about what you did this year. Did any of it have any meaning? I'm sure much of it did, but try to remember what you told yourself a year ago tonight about what you wanted to accomplish next year.

For me, I had a plan before this night. In early November of 2010, I thought of what I wanted, and I even wrote it down (so to speak) in one of these blogs. Hopefully you know the importance of writing down your goals as opposed to just remembering them. I wanted to accomplish specific tasks, 3 to be exact. One may have been a bit ambitious, but that's the point of a goal, right?

So, as I stood outside a year ago tonight, watching the neighbors shoot their expensive fireworks into the night sky, enjoying the clear, crisp, cold air, I remembered what I did that year. From the great accomplishments of buying a house, to the pain of ending a long relationship, it all culminated into one night of emotion. I was alone, but not without family. I was alone in mind and spirit. I looked to midnight and had nobody to kiss. I celebrated with family but alone with myself. And, this was a good thing. At the time I had no idea how good this was. It gave me a reason to fulfill my goals. You see, when you're alone, you have nobody to rely on. You also have nobody to impress, account for, fear, and lean on. This becomes your role. It's very foreign to many people I know personally, as well as many of you who I don't. But, for me, it was the best way to work towards my goals. For once in my 30 years of life, I had nobody to take care of but myself. This was the biggest challenge of my life, since it was so foreign to me. I could deal with the fear of my brother not taking his medicines and having to be hospitalized again. I could deal with my father yelling at his imaginary voices, causing my brother to wake up and start a fight with him. I could deal with my mom having back spasms and needing an ambulance to bring her to the hospital at 2am. These things were what I was put on this Earth for: to take care of my family. A year ago tonight, I realized that this time, I have to take care of myself. But how?

This year was one I intended on being an intense one. I wanted this year to be one where I was willing to try anything I hadn't before. And, for the most part, I did! I ran in the Crescent City Classic in March, 6.4 miles in ~72 minutes. I stopped plenty after 2 miles of hard running through crowds. And, the last 2 miles was pure zombie mode. But, I did it! I tried out the "game" my friends used to use on girls and it worked like a charm on the first try! I even visited Ecuador in June for the first time since I was 2 years old.

In Ecuador, one of the most memorable moments of my year, I experienced life in the eyes of my mother and my uncles and aunts. I saw what they saw for many years. Two weeks was not enough time, but the first week I concentrated on absorbing as much as possible. I saw everything, from the architecture, to the extreme poverty and the life of simplicity and survivalism. I've heard many stories from family since I was a little kid. I've seen pictures and can even remember sayings and expressions my mom would tell me about, but nothing is as real as living in it. And, it was beautiful...every moment of it. I saw things I should have seen years ago, but never had the opportunity. I saw where my mother came from, the streets she walked, and the things she did. I realized a lot of my mother's bad habits simply came from the routine of an impoverished life. But, it's all she knew, and I got a chance to respect it for myself.

I got to hold my grandmother. She was 99 years old, and she passed away 2 days after I left. But, she was with all of her children and she waited for that moment to let go and be with her husband again, who died years ago. I'll never forget her calling me "guapo" and I'll never forget the utterly pure feeling of honor and privilege I felt for having the opportunity to pick her up from her bed, in my arms, to move her to the chair in the living room, and eventually, back to her bed. It gave my aunts a chance to relax, and of course, to see their nephew play a part in her life, as minimal as it was. I'll always remember that.

When I got back to the States, I felt a sense of humbleness I've never felt before. I looked at the house I owned, and as I took my first shower in my master bathroom, complete with cold AND hot water, I realized how lucky I am and how grateful I should be. That's something you can't get without experience. And, to me, it changed my life.

My first goal, which I actually accomplished 3 days into the year, was to buy a nice car. This may not be much to most people, but to me, my car is very close to me. It's my means of relief. Many of you have hobbies and habits that help relieve your stress and calm you down. My relief is in the 4 wheels. And, I finally have a car that a man would own, not a boy. This is where the meaning behind that goal comes into play. I wanted to make a bold statement to everyone I know. This statement was that I am growing up. I'm becoming the man I should have been, but never tried to be. And, by the way, here's the car I'm driving. Much better than the previous few, it represents me and what I love.

My next goal was to reach 230lbs, and I did! I got back from Ecuador at 233lbs, and shortly thereafter, I dropped to 227lbs. It was a sight that I haven't seen since my early 20's. I started wearing 36" pants and had to go shopping all over again. It was a great feeling, but I kept working. I went to the gym as much as I could, but I also kept running. After months of training, I finally started seeing the results I wanted to see. Muscles replaced fat and my body started answering my calls. I wanted to be in shape, and I finally started seeing that shape. Towards the end of this year, I began seeing more and more, and with this month's Cardio Challenge, I see my arms and legs taking a solid form.

My last goal was to get my own place. I already had my own house, but I wanted to still find a place to live on my own. This was very ambitious, since I was and still am nowhere near where I need to be financially to be able to have my own place along with this one. So, this goal was the one I least focused on. But, at least I took this as a means to become a man, financially, and with that in mind, I began really taking hold of my finances. However, I still have a ways to go on this.

This year was one for the record books, at least for me. I've accomplished so much, and I can feel good about all of it. Of the few bad things that happened this year, nothing comes close to touching all of the good ones. And, I have begun becoming my OWN caretaker. I can honestly say that I have control of my life. This is so new to me, and I must respect the responsibility that comes with this control.

So with that in mind, next year, I plan on focusing on the things that I want to control. I will obviously continue the fitness path and begin on my new goal of "sculpting" my body. I'm at a good weight right now, and I can lose another 10-20 pounds of fat. I am willing to make one of my goals for next year to have a "6 pack" or something close. My belly fat has got to go, and I'll make this my priority as far as fitness is concerned.

Next, I want to take what I have learned about myself and grow with it. I want to realize who I really am, underneath all of this change and growth. I want to be able to forget about the emotions of the past and welcome new opportunities and allow myself to be open to new risks and rewards, especially those involving love. I want to make it a goal to be as open as I used to be, before I became the jaded, scarred version of myself. This is pretty vague, but I'll clarify this as the year progresses.

I like 3's, so I need to make a 3rd goal. Since my 3rd goal of this year was one of a financial theme, I want to continue next year by working toward eliminating my debt. I know I have a long ways to go with my student loans, but I want to make the best effort at handling that.

Besides all that, the point of this blog was to get you to understand what is possible. You see it all the time. You hear stories about people doing things you wish you could do. And, you have excuses as to why you can't. I had them. I have blogs from 2005 that provided the window into my desire to become who I have, and it took this long, but I've finally become him. Think about the best feeling of accomplishment you've felt lately. You wanted to run to your boyfriend or girlfriend, your mom or dad, someone to share that feeling with.

For me, I want to run to everyone I see and share this feeling. I have grown up to become a great man, and as hard as it is for me to say this, I truly love who I have become. I have been raised to be extremely modest so it's hard for me to feel the pride I deserve, but as of today, actually... I can really feel something when I look at myself in the mirror. I see what I've done this year in the reflection. I can feel it when I help my friend move into her new house, lifting heavy furniture other men can barely do. I have a new found youth in me that I feel honored to have, yet proud to have earned. I can talk to someone I don't even know with the confidence I've never dreamed to have. Yesterday, I surpassed my best 6 mile run time and did it in essentially 58 minutes and 29 seconds, better than the 61min of last attempt. I can't begin to tell you what I felt, but hear me when I tell you that it is beyond possible for you and for anyone around. You have to want it. You have to want it badly enough. You have to look your spouse, your parents, your children, your future in the eyes and say to them "I'm going to be a better version of me so that I can live to see the best version of you." And, for me, that's how I started to understand how to love me.

This was the best year of my life. This was the year that I got to know the most important person in my life. Sure, my mother raised me. My brother saw me grow and needed my help when he got sick. My dad struggled through a tormented life to provide the family with what we needed and what we didn't to be where we are. But, none of that matters if I don't see the reason for all of that. None of that would have the meaning it would if I don't show myself the appreciation that everyone else did. And, most importantly, my future would not be the best that it could be if I don't love myself like everyone else loves me.

This year was the best year of my life. I learned how to love myself. I learned what it means to me when a girl looks you in the eye and says to you that you're worth fighting for. I learned what hard work and sweat produces. Most importantly, I learned how to sleep at night, alone, but happy.

Goodnight, 2011.